Perinatal Loss.

On the death of a baby, 9/20/12

Your baby sailed to Jesus,
 He's asleep on that boat? allowing
All that pain, this great grief, unjust,
As if the bandits broke into your ship at sea, sniped your best mates,
Left you alone, no moorings, no bearings, to float to harbor vacant of value,
If you ever arrive, your sea-town asks questions you can't answer about the loss.

The Greatest Piracy is death of the innocent, your long voyage made longer,
Can you turn around and chase and fight the Swindler?  The sea's too big for that,
Sail on, hoping for a home, trusting in the lull that may never end.

The Windless days can drag, the monotony of loss is loud,
Your silence speaks of the ones you can't speak to anymore,
You'll never hear that voice ever and the Voice who calmed Winds is asleep.

You were expecting sleepless nights, sleepless because of the voyage purpose would require it,
But now to be sleepless with no purpose is as heavy as a cargo,

You were expecting crying but not your own, expecting change, but not your own soul's, expecting a beautiful storm, not this drudge,

Keep the question as pinnacle, "Asleep on my boat?"
Ask the why to the windless sky, "Asleep on my boat?"
What kind of king remains, "Asleep on my boat?"

You can't hear crying, only dying, fading, sighing,
"Even the waves and the winds obey me,"
Wanting to hear, hoping to hear,
"He is not dead, but asleep,"
But he's dead.

You get answers, but you're still adrift, and will be for awhile yet,
"Even the waves and the winds obey me,"
And you hope for a wind so you can see it obey,
The one to whom your Love sailed away.

Dear Sandra,

In response to an article by my favorite female vocalist, Sandra McCracken, who I long, long, long to become a Pro-Life advocate a greater lover of HUMAN BEINGS, eclipsing her great concern for this planet.  Lord, may you move our hearts & minds to speak boldly for your most precious creation!

Thanks, Sandra, for your voice & words which push me into Jesus, the Jesus who taught me that it is people that I must fight for first, die for first, as He did.

Read article here.  

And here's my thoughts:


Sandra, thank you for your eloquent thoughts on the beauty of my Father's World.  We are blessed to live in this Great Beauty.  I too come from a family that appreciates the theology and the biology that is our human existence.  I have the gift of coming from a family focused on HEAVEN and things that last: people, the Bible, and my Jesus.

Clarify?

First:  "each of us can enter into this practice of conservation believing that we can be part of tangible renewal. For some, it might take the shape of educating or gardening..."

What renewal do you think Jesus came to bring?  Is it not the Romans 12:1 renewal of the mind?  Where does, when speaking of the creation, does God mandate anything but the "be fruitful and multiply" of Genesis 1:28?  Does God not judge our evil against EACH OTHER with far greater grief and consequences than our evil against his temporal planet?  Should we as believers be advocating with ALL OUR BEINGS the care of the most beautiful creation, humans?  Yes, STEWARD wisely, but oh so diligently steward HUMAN RIGHTS and by giving humans freedom and justice, God will take care of his earth, right?

When you speak of loving what God loves, my God loves PEOPLE, HUMANS, HIS IMAGE-BEARERS, and we know that ultimately, "The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything done in it will be laid bare." (2 Peter 3:10)

How can you urge Christians to become scientists for any other reason than saving HUMAN BEINGS when we know that everything else will be burned up, but that human souls last forever?  And, yes, of course, by urging "creation care" we can help humans see the gospel, but I think it can become a very dangerous road with the tempermate of naturalistic, Darwinian, secular environmentalism.  OH, be careful for what does light have to do with darkness?

 Second: "Together we multiply our potential for sustainability..."  What exactly do you mean?  The sustainability my God loves in the church, desperately focused on preaching the gospel, the temporality of this wicked planet, and the reality of a NEW HEAVEN and NEW EARTH.  God sustains, right?  And what does this "sustainability" agenda many governments have truly have to do with the gospel?  Can people not come to know Jesus regardless of if the earth is perishing?

Lastly: "This is the beginning of care and conversation, whether it's about protecting dolphins, or about the community garden, or about policy making on Capitol Hill."

As you begin, I urge you to please not forget that in God's book, the Bible, PEOPLE are always first!  People!  Not dolphins.  The dolphins don't have souls, but the people do.  And the darkness of the lies of overpopulation and forced contraception are rampant and may we as the church, people who know God, become the greatest advocates for God's greatest creation.  May your community garden's purpose be to feed HUNGRY PEOPLE and may your advocacy on capitol hill be to speak for FORGOTTEN PEOPLE (e.g. PREBORNS and the oppression of those under Islam/Communism/Despotism).  Yes, many innocent animals and species have died under my watch as God's creation-keeper, but more tragically, in my lifetime over 24 million American babies have been aborted.  I'm sorry, Lord, that I have not cared for your creation as I ought!

In our creation care, we must care for the most precious creation FIRST, and as we focus on the beautiful human beings, I do believe the NEW earth and NEW heavenwill get more beautiful as heaven becomes fuller with human souls, all the while knowing this beautiful earth is SOON TO BURN.  May it burn sooner so Jesus comes more quickly!

Because peeps matter most.

Matthew 7:1

per·son [pur-suhn]

 

per·son

   [pur-suhn] Show IPA

noun

1.

a human being, whether man, woman, or child: The tableseats four persons.

2.

a human being as distinguished from an animal or a thing.

3.

Sociology . an individual human being, especially withreference to his or her social relationships and behavioralpatterns as conditioned by the culture.

4.

Philosophy . a self-conscious or rational being.

5.

the actual self or individual personality  of a human being:You ought not to generalize, but to consider the person you aredealing with.

An Anthem About Being Alive

Everyone else seems to be taking a stab at poetry they hope will be unique enough to not remind someone of better- classic poetry like Keats or the Beatles. Here's my effort: 

This is not a love poem; it's a life verse:
 An anthem about being alive
[life isn't an irredeemable curse]
 I've heard that some people have a right not to ever see the sun.
 Well, I read poetry by a boy whose life had been shattered, and he said he was thrilled to be alive.

 I'm positive that that the "right to die" is a revolting lie.

 Those choices I've made in the garden of my heart- glancing around, sneaking fruit out in my pockets- those never brought life.

 All I got from them was strife, screams in a locked bathroom.

 So the "right to choose" [the one we sinned to attain] well, I'm rethinking whether or not that was a gain or a dreadful loss.

 Somebody Who always made the right decisions
 Took a myriad of incisions
 On sinless skin
 That was His choice- crying out in a loud voice for us to be forgiven
of our free will abuse.

 So I guess I'm pro-choice when it comes to my Creator's voice.
 What He's spoken I'll do
 That means thinking about you and your soul, whose choices you're gonna follow: will they be His or are you sticking with you?

 That's the anthem- I was probably off key
So I'll leave it to the Saviour to compose the rest of the symphony.

So Strong: An Ode to a Mother; I Took Step One

These are poems written by boys who had the roughest of blows dealt to them, that eventually led to juvenile delinquent centers. A man named Don Smarto went to their prisons and taught them poetry.

They are people. They are just like us. They are unfinalizable, redeemable, incredible human beings. They wrote poetry.

So Strong--

My Mother
I love her so

I apologize
I really do
The love
Well, stronger than me and you

I miss her so
Three years gone
More time uncounted
Such a bad son

I wish I could make things better
But how?
I cried
I lied
I hurt her so
Constant pain since my birth

A lady so beautiful
So filled with love
My Mother, so strong

-Scott, 18.


I Took Step One--

I took Step One, began to moan
I can't do this one on my own.
I took Step Two, began to pray
Restore me God, please now, today.

I took Step Three, gave up my will
Maybe God could love me still.
I took a Fourth, I looked inside
Nothing more would I hide.

And on the Fifth, I said aloud
I've done some wrong, and I'm not proud.
I took Step Six, and got prepared
To lose the defects, I was scared.

Now I'm at Seven, take them away
My God, for this I do pray.
And on Eight, the list was long
Amends to make for all the wrongs.

I took Step Nine, put down my pride
Amends made, I will not hide.
Step Ten I take, each day I pray
I make amends along the way.

And on Eleven I pray to know
Each day His Will, which way to go.
I take Step Twelve, I'm like a bird
To others now, I spread His Word....

-Juan, 16.

Hard to Read

There are a few instances in life where people tell us things we never forget.  This week, for better or for worse, I heard such a statement.

I was told, "Caroline, you are hard to read."  It was quite an intense situation--a tense conflict with the core issue being LIFE.  It's kinda cool to be a little mysterious, eh?  It's kinda cool to know you're more than meets the eye...or is it?  Are Pro-lifers not called to be translucent, literally, just shining the light of LIFE with no silly obstructions?  Or is it LIFE that is "hard to read" and when we are translucent the watching world cannot understand how we MUST LOVE the littlest among us?

I like to think the latter.  I like to think that being a believer in an unbelieving world and being and lover of life is a world that hates LIFE is "hard to read."  I like to think that being Pro-Life with no excuses or exceptions is just hard to read.  People don't wanna read you so they ignore you.  Just like the Bible.

If it's out of sight it can be out of mind.

If a little baby, only 9 weeks after conception, is out of sight than I don't have to realize it's real.  And when I see it, I don't want to understand so I choose to believe it's just "hard to read."

Sometimes the simplest, brightest, and most translucent ideas are the ones that are most hated.

And I say, let's not hate our preborns and let's transparently tell everyone that our preborns matter.  They matter a lot.

Forgiveness.

Wish I could see this sculpture in person.  It displays a woman mourning for her lost preborn.  I think it's remarkable.  http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/heart-rending-young-slovakian-sculptor-captures-post-abortion-pain-mercy-an

Terri Schiavo

March 31st is the anniversary of Terri Schiavo's death.  Ever since I met her brother Bob, I have been convicted that there are many who need our voices, born and preborn.  I hope you can join me in honoring Terri's memory.

Say the prayer in Remembrance of Terri each day during the week before and after “Terri’s Day”. Conduct or participate in a parish or school essay contest about what happened to Terri, and the issues surrounding care for the disabled and their right to life. Create and publicize a website in honor of Terri. Invite a speaker to your school, parish, or community organization to address issues surrounding the care of the disabled. Organize a letter writing campaign in remembrance of Terri by one or more individuals to local papers or blogs. Spend time volunteering at a nursing home or hospital. Spend time with a disabled friend or relative. Donate to the Terri Schindler-Schiavo Foundation as a way of reaching out to other families who face similar challenges. Write to or visit elected officials regarding legislation that would increase protection for people facing circumstances like Terri did. Fill out, and make others aware of the “Will to Live,” as available atwww.nrlc.org/euthanasia/willtolive/index.html. Register to vote and participate in elections. Challenge candidates on their views regarding Terri and those who face the same challenges and dangers she did.

Animation win.

Besides the creepy music, this is so awesome!

"I am a human, like everyone else."

"When I asked how he wanted to be described, his eyes teared up and he said 'I am a human, like every one else."

What do we do with people who are broken, bruised, addicted, stubborn, and stuck?  I say we love them hard!

Beautiful Photos of beautiful images of God.

Cherishing Motherhood: I Get to be the One

"I Get To Be The One"

Well hello,
Little baby.
Your eyes have never seen the sun
You should know
Little baby
That I am the lucky one

I get to be the one to hold your hand
I get to be the one.
Through birthdays and broken bones
I'll be there to watch you grow
I get to be the one.

Don't feel alone now,
Little baby.
Do you hear me singing you a song
I can't wait to show you
Little baby
How to crawl
How to walk
And how to run

I get to be the one to hold your hand
I get to be the one.
Through birthdays and broken bones
I'll be there to watch you grow
I get to be the one.

How does someone so small
Hold my heart so tightly
I don't even know you
I love you completely

I get to be the one to hold your hand
I get to be the one.
Through birthdays and broken bones
I'll be there to watch you grow
I get to be the one to hold your hand
I get to be the one.
Through birthdays and broken bones
I'll be there to watch you grow
I get to be the one.

-JJ Heller, for my sister Cate, who has a person inside of her right now :)

Old people are people too.

This is what my dear friend, and former roommate said about her grandpa when I asked how he was doing.

I found it so moving that I wrote it down on a sticky note in the middle of our conversation.  It made me tear-up.

Julia taught me so much about loving old people.  She is so good at it!  She taught me how to make sugar-free cookies, how to hold their hand, how to laugh & respond to their incomprehensible comments, and how to ask about their families and childhoods.

Julia taught me how to treat people like people even when people smell terrible.

Her grandpa isn't in the greatest health and it's so tough when your emotional and physical health start failing all at once.  Growing old is hard because I've seen and smelled and touched it and if it weren't for growing old and failing health, I wouldn't have had a job in college.  I've worked at two nursing homes.

Slow-dying is hard.  Your mind decays along with your body and you do things that in the prime of life you could only imagine doing: wetting your bed, throwing food on the floor, falling out of a wheelchair...being in a wheelchair.

But regardless, all of those old people that I've played scrabble with over the years, whose messes I have cleaned up for $10/hour, and whose bedsore bandages I have changed I know one thing:

THEY ARE HUMAN BEINGS.

For this reason, I loved my healthcare experience and I will never forget the PEOPLE that I met, served, and formed relationships with, difficult though it was--it was so hard.

And I'll never forget how Julia taught me that making someone smile is a skill whose worth cannot be underestimated.

I hope her grandpa has a week of easy smiling, don't you?

Top Ten Reasons to Choose Life

I just googled "top ten reasons to choose life" because I wanted to just hear 10 positive reasons that people matter.  I got nothing.  So I'm gonna create this list because it needs to be out there.

Why would we call ourselves Pro-Life if we cannot even get beautiful reasons to love our children on the first 3 pages of a google search?

Here goes:

TEN REASONS TO CHOOSE LIFE:

1) Your baby is beautiful, even though it's teeeeeny tiny!

2) Pregnancy unites your and your partner on a journey that will change your lives!
3) When you're pregnant, for the last 3 months you are SUPPOSED  to eat more food.
4) Your child could end up doing anything, everything, and change the world.
5). Everything about your baby will be a reflection of you and your partner--a mini-you yet still unique!
6) Pregnancy is what the female body is supposed to do.  Fatherhood is what the male body is supposed to do biologically and socially and spiritually.  It feels right to do what you're supposed to do.
7) You will have to sacrifice for your child, but your whole life a voice will say, "Mom" or "Dad" and mean you--only you.
8) Babies are the best excuse to celebrate: baby showers, birthday parties, first Christmases, first day of schools, etc.
9) The world only gets one of you and it only gets one of your child.  We need your baby and your baby needs you!
10) Life is a gift.  Give it.

Choose life!

***Of course, every situation isn't easy, every pregnancy isn't supported, every father isn't around, and every baby isn't "perfect" but you, as a mom, can give your baby the best life you are able regardless.  It's your chance to give someone a gift that they don't deserve.  You have power to bestow: LIFE***

Is your soul tormented?

2 Peter 2:7-9, "If he rescued righteous Lot, greatly distressed by the sensual conduct of the wicked (for as that righteous man lived among them day after day, he was tormenting his righteous soul over their lawless deeds that he saw and heard); then the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials,and to keep the unrighteous under punishment until the day of judgment."

Have you ever almost thrown up on a palm (or pine) tree outside of an abortion clinic when the abortionist pulled into the full parking lot and walked in carrying a black bag? Or driven by a "Gentleman's Club" (so backward) or a "Cafe Risque" billboard and teared up and cried out a prayer to God to save us from ourselves? If you have, that's evidence of the Holy Spirit in you. You are a righteous person, made righteous by Christ alone, and your soul is tormented by lawless deeds. You know that the things around you aren't God's desired will.

"We ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words."

There's a new fairy-tale themed tv show called "Once Upon a Time" that's very popular right now. A little boy named Henry, who is one of the main characters, made a statement in a recent episode that grieved me deeply: "Good loses. Good always loses because good has to play fair. Evil doesn't."

Could this be true about abortion and human trafficking? When I sidewalk counsel in front of abortion clinics, I play fair. I don't trespass, I don't harass, I don't shoot the abortionist or the nurses. Conversely, the staff and clients shout at those silently praying, put dog poop on the grass, and sometimes turn on the sprinklers. Pimps aren't afraid to shoot anyone who interferes with their business, and they mock those who try because they can always find more girls to sell.

Ah, but God says something that directly denies Henry's lament:

"At that time Jerusalem shall be called the throne of the LORD, and all nations shall gather to it, to the presence of the LORD in Jerusalem, and they shall no more stubbornly follow their own evil heart. In those days the house of Judah shall join the house of Israel, and together they shall come from the land of the north to the land that I gave your fathers for a heritage."

Faith that God will do what He promised- and He has promised to destroy evil forever and completely- enables us to stare death, abuse, ugly billboards, brick buildings where babies are ripped to pieces, and every other kind of evil around us in the face and say,

That's a lie. Here is truth. I didn't make it up. God said it, and He never lies: "For if, because of one man's trespass, death reigned through that one man, much more will those who receive the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man Jesus Christ." (Romans 15:17)

Let your soul be tormented and weary. Then fix your eyes on Jesus, remember it's not forever, and keep on looking Death in the face and telling it about Real Life.